[ Interesting, how the roles have been reversed. If Hua Cheng thought it was funny, he would laugh. To suddenly have Xie Lian in the same position he had been in, weeks before, when he had been nothing but bruises and misery. But it isn't funny - not when Xie Lian's eyes are red from tears, not when he can still hear his scream, not when he can see him, now, worrying over him.
No protests come, and Xie Lian will see some spots in the shirt and on his skin that look like they were eaten through. There's no droplet pattern, just - like a single, pinpointed spot of acid. It's surprisingly scattered everywhere, in various sizes, with some holes and spots less noticeable than other. No rhyme or reason to it.
But Hua Cheng does reach out when he finishes undoing the clasps, gently taking his left hand with his right, their red strings stark, obvious. A promise, even without the spiritual energy to back it. ]
I am in no better hands than gege's. That alone brings me comfort.
[ xie lian bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from reacting. he is so used to hua cheng being completely unbreakable - just taking everything the world has ever thrown at him - that seeing him injured makes him ache. it keeps needling at that fear again, bone deep and buried within him, but he has to ignore it. he cannot let san lang see how scared he was. how scared he still is, even now.
so, he smiles. it's soft, his brows knit together, as hua cheng takes his hand, but xie lian squeezes it, his thumb brushing over the top of his knuckles where his red string is. ]
Haha... well, I have gotten pretty good at patching myself up over the years! [ he kinda had to! considering. gods, if only hua cheng had his spiritual energy - how different, things would be.
when he releases his hand, he gently sets it back down on the covers, and sets to work with the antiseptic and a cotton ball. xie lian's expression softens again, quiet and serious. ] ...Don't be afraid to cry out if it hurts, okay...?
[ in a mirror of the weeks prior, it seems. with that said, he carefully gets to work, cleaning up the injuries he can and wiping his chest clean of any blood.
somewhere in the room, xie lian's ferret is curled up tight with hua cheng's huli jing, desperately grooming it like that will make all of the hurt and pain go away. it's just as fussy as the person its connected to. ]
[ How could he not know the fear there? How could he not have seen it in the tears shed, the anguish, the desperation? How could he not know his Dianxia forwards and backwards enough to not have already seen and known it?
But Hua Cheng says nothing. Not yet. There are some hours, still, until curfew comes around. They'll have time to talk. They'll have to make sure they speak on their plans, on what needs to be done, on what was learned during that expedition...
A weak chuckle leaves him, but it's a genuine one. For as much as the unending pain from the absence of his arm is distracting, he won't let it be debilitating, and he just - looks up at Xie Lian. Ugly and imperfect, but otherwise there. Besides that arm, otherwise whole. The memory is missing - the humans in Mt. Tonglu, the reason why he possesses E-Ming - but he would risk it again. Would dive after Mob again. Would step in front of Izumo again. Would hold tight to Ange's hand again. ]
It's - more than just that, gege. [ That's his only answer, at first, but Hua Cheng doesn't flinch, necessarily, as he's cleaned up. Instead, a tension is visible in his muscles, not so much holding back intentionally as it is that he doesn't know any other way to be. A few hitches in breath come, a hiss with a particularly tender spot, but... he doesn't cry out.
Unlike the little birds that Mob and Ange had, or even Izumo's fox, kept safe the entire time by the then-wolf, the huli jing is a little singed around the edges. It's - tired. Both eyes opened in the presence of their most beloved, it forms a tight coil of body and tails with the ferret, allowing itself to be groomed and trying to press all the more closer. ]
[ his eyes flick up to hua cheng's face as he works, checking him every few seconds. his touch is as tender and gentle as possible, as he cleans, reactive to hua cheng's quiet hisses, to the way he tries not to flinch. these wounds are familiar, mostly - the claw marks, the stab from the knife - and he lets his hand only linger in the parts unmarred.
the sluggish, slow bleeding areas are easy to clean, at least. the damage, at least, is easy to clean. watching hua cheng's chest rise and fall with each moment is inherently soothing, too, and xie lian carefully bandages his midsection, bolstering himself as each spot is taken care of.
for now, he's quiet, processing through the stormy swirl of all of his emotions. another strip of fabric, another bit of disinfectant, up each tiny, scratch on his arm, carefully dotting around the places he can't clean as well without harming him, thorough and tender. these spots are smaller, but it's important for him to clean every one - but it soothes him, a little, too, to see this much of him is alright. this much, at least, is okay.
he's alive. they're both alive. ]
...I do want to know what happened. [ xie lian says, eventually, breaking the quiet, his eyes cast downwards, his voice soft. ] ...it doesn't have to be now, but... whenever you're ready, San Lang.
[ Letting him focus on his work, Hua Cheng closes his eye and simply - breathes. Turns everything over in his mind, trying to keep it all in order, to keep the information where it needs to be. Because he could only look at it once, but he has to get the information down once he can. Once he's patched up, and Xie Lian has found comfort in it. His tender touch soothes him, as well, and slowly, bit by bit, the tension eases a little more.
The pain is still there. He's not going to be able to perfectly relax. But the painkillers do help to numb the rest, allowing him to filter the rest.
And that touch lets him know that Xie Lian is here, and real, too. Not just some figment, some dream that would have him left in a world falling apart at the seams
Slowly, he opens his eyes, looking up at the ceiling. ]
We found ourselves in a strangely colored woods, with twelve moons in the night sky that we could just barely see by. There were a few paths to take, and whispers in the woods, but none of us could make out what was being said as far as I know. [ A moment, as he lets himself be maneuvered where necessary for the bandages, a pliant patient when normally he would likely be less cooperative and insist he's fine. ] We chose a path together, and came across a few different beasts. A metal monster, which broke Izumo's arm, and a giant worm in a cavern, which crushed Shigeo.
Shigeo had found something with a map on it when we dealt with the metal monster, and it brought us to a new clearing with a sword. The one that Izumo refused to let go of.
[ The huli jing bristles a little bit in the corner, burying its face against Xie Lian's ferret. ]
[ it sounds much like his own adventure, so far. he winces a little to himself for izumo and shigeo, and makes a quiet note to check on them both tomorrow, but otherwise listens attentively to hua cheng, trying to hold onto as many details as he can.
he makes a soft noise of understanding as he moves up the bed. this time, his touch is utterly tender, as he touches hua cheng's cheek and turns his face just slightly to the side with his fingertips, so he can clean the gash closest to the place where his eye once was. his touch here is almost reverent, so, so careful as he dabs a fresh cloth of disinfectant at the spot. ]
Hua Cheng stiffens in a different way, good eye sliding away from the ceiling - and away from Xie Lian - like he's somehow ashamed of something. His bangs have to be brushed back, and are tacky with blood, but the gash upon closer inspection almost looks like something shot him. It cuts into part of his scalp, and explains why so much of his hair is missing.
Because something grazed his hair at an angle, after being fired across his face. ]
... yes, and no. When everything was over, we were still in the clearing. But while I don't know where Shigeo and Ange were, I - [ a beat, looking off at the wall, still not at Xie Lian ]
it's not just for his reaction -- because he feels the way hua cheng flinches, and he doesn't understand why, at first. his fingers pause, stopping where he's touching him with the wet cloth, fingers still lingering gently in his bangs, and xie lian's brows knit. he thinks he's hurting him, at first, but he watches the way hua cheng looks away from him.
...and the second reason his heart twists comes a moment later, with the name of puji shrine.
(he misses it. he misses it so much, with its hole in the wall, its water chestnuts, its tiny little altar. the villagers, constantly asking after him, after san lang. even their varied intruders. it feels like its been so, so long since he's had a moment just to sit at puji. to be home. )
but xie lian knows the cruelties of this place from his own experience. his expression changes, from worried and afraid to recognizing. ]
...An illusion. [ he says, softly, and runs the cloth under the cut again, his touch steadfast and tender. ]
En. I can only - only guess that Shigeo and Ange had their own illusions, but I think that's what it did to all of us. [ The wall is interesting. While the injury hurts, in a dull throbbing kind of way, there's no further reaction to Xie Lian's touch. Cleaning it is an easy enough task, when most of it is cauterized - it would also explain why he smells a little like burnt hair, actually, when this close to him. He doesn't even really notice it, himself.
But he wants to shy away. He doesn't want Xie Lian to have to see what remains of what was an ugly thing in the first place. He doesn't want him to have to look at it while he talks about this precious place, that the world they walked into saw fit to distract him with. ]
I was happy. I was home. [ "A home has family. A place where someone lives alone is not a home. If it's home, then even a small place like Puji Shrine would be better than my Paradise Manor by a million-fold."
That happiness still lingers at the corners of his mind, as if haunting him in his peripheral. Just the two of them in humble Puji Shrine, the babble of water not far off in the distance, the smell of incense from the altar, the children from the village quiet echoes from beyond the handcrafted doors he'd made for Xie Lian.
Xie Lian, laughing, scolding him playfully for his distractions. ] I didn't want to leave.
[ xie lian listens to him speak, and for a moment, is struck by the difference in their illusions. xie lian saw something beautiful in his - but it quickly was destroyed, as all of his failures came to grab him by the throat. that san lang would see happiness, in a dream, that this place would think that could be what tempted him into danger.
...he feels... relieved, in a way. he hurts, for hua cheng, that he must have to leave such a thing - a little quietly touched, that that was what he saw to make him happy, that that was made him feel at home - but most of all, he's glad for his strength. for the fact that what happened could have been so, so much worse, if he had simply remained there.
i was home, hua cheng says. xie lian shifts, moving where he has settled to clean him up, so his long hair drapes around them like a curtain. ]
...you came home. [ hua cheng may think that he's ugly, or that he doesn't deserve to look at xie lian. he might feel ashamed, or upset.
but he's alive.
xie lian repeats himself in that small, intimate space between them, his voice almost a whisper, heavy with the weight of his relief, as he cups his cheek. ] ...you came back.
[ and leans forward a tiny bit to press a soft, lingering kiss to his forehead, where he still holds his bangs out of the way. ]
[ Only when the curtain of his dark brown hair comes down does Hua Cheng actually turn his head a bit to look at him again, getting a better angle for his good eye so that he can see him. And this - this single person - is why he turned his back on that happiness. For as upsetting as it is, for as much as it still lingers, it wasn't real. And once he had known that, it was all he had needed.
His eye flutters closed with the kiss to his forehead, and he breathes out suddenly, shakily, before he brings his hand up and touches Xie Lian's cheek with the utmost tenderness. Here. They're here. Everything hurts - and a nightmare can cause the worst suffering, but it's a reminder that he's still in this world.
Xie Lian's touch is a grounding force, and it fixes him in place.
Only when he pulls back does Hua Cheng open his eye again, looking up at him like he's all that he needs in this world. ]
The you that was there wasn't real. How could I stay in such a happy falsehood, when you were so far from me? How could I leave you here? [ His thumb ghosts over the apple of Xie Lian's cheek, gaze searching his face, as if desperate to remember every detail of it as it is now. ] The only place I belong is by your side, whether in the abyss or in paradise.
[ he doesn't even have it in him to fuss at hua cheng for reusing that silly adage - it was something said in a moment of arrogance, as a child, but he's since learned how much meaning his words must have, to hua cheng. how much they always have had, even if xie lian himself found them embarrassing.
he pulls away just enough to look at him - all of him. the missing eyepatch, the blood, the exhaustion on his face - all of san lang. xie lian doesn't dislodge the hand now touching his cheek, instead turning just into the touch, his lashes brushing against hua cheng's handprints, and letting his words wash over him, the quiet, comforting timber of his voice.
it's reassuring. san lang is always reassuring. ]
...That...that you are here, that's what matters. Once your spiritual energy is returned to you properly, you'll be able to reform this quickly, too.
[ his eyes flick just briefly to his shoulder, and then back to his face. xie lian's mouth is still pulled into a tiny frown, his brows furrowed together, but his gaze is soft. ]
Thank you. [ for coming back to him. for surviving, for always surviving. injured or not, they can bounce back from this. ]
Mm, this is nothing but an inconvenience. [ He thinks about Mob and Ange's small hands snatching at him, to keep him from tumbling even further into the void that had blackened his arm like this. Thinks about how he leaned back into them, as Izumo was attacked so close to them, about the race to get to the end was the hardest stretch of it.
But, looking at Xie Lian, his beautiful, soft features, his long lashes, the tenderness in his eyes... he would go through it again, time and again, if only to return to him. ]
Every death I've faced has been my own choice. [ Hua Cheng's voice is still low, quiet, but he speaks clearly, and easily. With confidence. Because even if he knows there are gaps, it has always been his choice when he faced it. ] Those happy notions were falling apart around us, as the world we were trapped in crumbled like reality itself was failing to keep itself together. I was not going to die there.
I was not going to leave you. [ With only one arm, and injuries in his torso, it's a little harder than usual to leverage himself up properly. But he does well enough, at least so that he can sit up and press his lips to the furrow of Xie Lian's brow. ] Puji Shrine is waiting for us - the real one. That's the home that's calling for me.
[ Down, a kiss to the opposite cheek, light like one of his butterfly's wings. ]
[ a flush blooms on xie lian's cheeks when hua cheng kisses them, the skin warming up underneath the touch of his lips. they're a little cold, but it's bracing and familiar, a reminder that hua cheng is still hua cheng, no matter what this place seems to inflict on him.
when he leverages himself up, xie lian immediately reaches behind him. it leaves them almost caught in an embrace, but it's really just to support him -- although, the former is fine, too. his strong hand settles against hua cheng's back, and his gaze searches over his face for a moment there, finding nothing but truth.
hua cheng had said that puji was a home. xie lian hadn't really understood it that much, then, but... after everything that's happened, he's starting to.]
...En. [ he agrees, softly, full of emotion, eyes finally fluttering shut. ] San Lang is so reliable. [ that comes with a quiet, wet laugh and a smile, in this tiny, intimate space between them.
xie lian's head tilts, a little further to the side. he can't go for a kiss, maybe, but - but, he wants to. ]
[ Xie Lian always blushes so prettily, and the contrast is so stark, to his own skin. He wants to chase it, bit by bit. But this is good, too, with the quiet relief that sits heavy between them. This is home, more than anything else. Of course he would come back.
And he truly is in no better hands than Xie Lian's. There's no concern about him being dropped, or being too heavy, and instead he settles into the way that he's supported like that. If he could stay here in Xie Lian's arms, it would ease every pain away - all the easier to forget it, looking back at him with something earnest and adoring in his gaze. ]
This San Lang only wishes to be by your side. [ simply ] That's all that I've ever wanted.
[ Eight hundred years worth of that, of wanting to just be with Xie Lian. No expectations for more, nothing at all, but just wanting to be there.
Hua Cheng looks at him, as he closes his eyes. Feels his heart thrum in his chest, with that little laugh, the smile, and...
He goes for it. A tentative, and soft, press of lips to his, like he's asking if it's okay to do. ]
[ ... it's easier to do these things, once they start. when hua cheng kisses him, xie lian makes a tiny, soft noise, his fingers curling and uncurling against the fabric of his clothes, but... he doesn't pull away.
in fact, he tips his head to return the kiss more firmly, and his grip tightens a little. it's almost in desperation - clinging onto the fact that hua cheng is a solid, real presence. he'll have to rattle around for an excuse later, but right now, all xie lian wants to do is relish in the fact that hua cheng made it back.
and let him know, maybe, how much he adores him. how terrified he was. how relieved he is now. how he doesn't feel like he'll ever understand such a simple statement as this san lang only wishes to be by your side, but how he's never been more grateful. fate kept them apart, for eight hundred years, and the realm sought to bring them here together. through all of the pain and suffering they've been through - they are both still here.
and for xie lian, who has been alone for so, so long, that means everything. hua cheng means everything to him. ]
[ What was a hesitant kiss at first becomes something more, as Xie Lian returns it. Hua Cheng's hand slides from cupping his cheek to his fingers tangled in his hair at the back of his head. The hesitation fades, and he sits up more, properly now, like he can get closer, chasing that relief and comfort.
And even though he was in Xie Lian's arms, before; even though he could kiss him, hold him; this is different. This is real, no matter what excuse they both go reaching for, and his brow pinches as some desperation bleeds into his side, too.
There's no spiritual energy, there's no air to share, it's all more than just the slide of mouths together - it's the reassurance that they're together, the relief that they're both still in this world, the promise that they'll remain at each others' sides.
Hua Cheng refuses to leave Xie Lian alone again, after so long. Dedication, devotion, adoration - just outright love, that he hopes, somehow, Xie Lian can know it. ]
[ "oh, i see! yeah! that public kiss was our first kiss, we're on the counter!" i say, while backtagging them emotionally making out the week prior.
i mean. xie lian does not much seem to mind when the kiss gets a little more intense. it matches his emotions, as he's finally coming down from the adrenaline spike of seeing hua cheng nearly die right in front of him. it's just relief, now, a nearly overwhelming sense of it, and it floods his every motion, in the way that he returns the kiss. two weeks in a row, now, he could've nearly lost san lang, and the idea is so gut wrenchingly terrifying that the last thing he's thinking about is what excuse he'll use this time.
right now, he doesn't really need an excuse. right now, he just wants to kiss hua cheng, because he loves hua cheng. with every single miserably unlucky part of him, xie lian loves him.
time passes slowly, like this, and xie lian's not pulling away. not yet. just in case he turns to ash in his hands (the nightmare has haunted him since the first week it happened, save for one little dream featuring tomatoes and a little goat), xie lian stays close, fingers curled in the back of hua cheng's clothes. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
No protests come, and Xie Lian will see some spots in the shirt and on his skin that look like they were eaten through. There's no droplet pattern, just - like a single, pinpointed spot of acid. It's surprisingly scattered everywhere, in various sizes, with some holes and spots less noticeable than other. No rhyme or reason to it.
But Hua Cheng does reach out when he finishes undoing the clasps, gently taking his left hand with his right, their red strings stark, obvious. A promise, even without the spiritual energy to back it. ]
I am in no better hands than gege's. That alone brings me comfort.
no subject
so, he smiles. it's soft, his brows knit together, as hua cheng takes his hand, but xie lian squeezes it, his thumb brushing over the top of his knuckles where his red string is. ]
Haha... well, I have gotten pretty good at patching myself up over the years! [ he kinda had to! considering. gods, if only hua cheng had his spiritual energy - how different, things would be.
when he releases his hand, he gently sets it back down on the covers, and sets to work with the antiseptic and a cotton ball. xie lian's expression softens again, quiet and serious. ] ...Don't be afraid to cry out if it hurts, okay...?
[ in a mirror of the weeks prior, it seems. with that said, he carefully gets to work, cleaning up the injuries he can and wiping his chest clean of any blood.
somewhere in the room, xie lian's ferret is curled up tight with hua cheng's huli jing, desperately grooming it like that will make all of the hurt and pain go away. it's just as fussy as the person its connected to. ]
no subject
But Hua Cheng says nothing. Not yet. There are some hours, still, until curfew comes around. They'll have time to talk. They'll have to make sure they speak on their plans, on what needs to be done, on what was learned during that expedition...
A weak chuckle leaves him, but it's a genuine one. For as much as the unending pain from the absence of his arm is distracting, he won't let it be debilitating, and he just - looks up at Xie Lian. Ugly and imperfect, but otherwise there. Besides that arm, otherwise whole. The memory is missing - the humans in Mt. Tonglu, the reason why he possesses E-Ming - but he would risk it again. Would dive after Mob again. Would step in front of Izumo again. Would hold tight to Ange's hand again. ]
It's - more than just that, gege. [ That's his only answer, at first, but Hua Cheng doesn't flinch, necessarily, as he's cleaned up. Instead, a tension is visible in his muscles, not so much holding back intentionally as it is that he doesn't know any other way to be. A few hitches in breath come, a hiss with a particularly tender spot, but... he doesn't cry out.
Unlike the little birds that Mob and Ange had, or even Izumo's fox, kept safe the entire time by the then-wolf, the huli jing is a little singed around the edges. It's - tired. Both eyes opened in the presence of their most beloved, it forms a tight coil of body and tails with the ferret, allowing itself to be groomed and trying to press all the more closer. ]
no subject
the sluggish, slow bleeding areas are easy to clean, at least. the damage, at least, is easy to clean. watching hua cheng's chest rise and fall with each moment is inherently soothing, too, and xie lian carefully bandages his midsection, bolstering himself as each spot is taken care of.
for now, he's quiet, processing through the stormy swirl of all of his emotions. another strip of fabric, another bit of disinfectant, up each tiny, scratch on his arm, carefully dotting around the places he can't clean as well without harming him, thorough and tender. these spots are smaller, but it's important for him to clean every one - but it soothes him, a little, too, to see this much of him is alright. this much, at least, is okay.
he's alive. they're both alive. ]
...I do want to know what happened. [ xie lian says, eventually, breaking the quiet, his eyes cast downwards, his voice soft. ] ...it doesn't have to be now, but... whenever you're ready, San Lang.
no subject
The pain is still there. He's not going to be able to perfectly relax. But the painkillers do help to numb the rest, allowing him to filter the rest.
And that touch lets him know that Xie Lian is here, and real, too. Not just some figment, some dream that would have him left in a world falling apart at the seams
Slowly, he opens his eyes, looking up at the ceiling. ]
We found ourselves in a strangely colored woods, with twelve moons in the night sky that we could just barely see by. There were a few paths to take, and whispers in the woods, but none of us could make out what was being said as far as I know. [ A moment, as he lets himself be maneuvered where necessary for the bandages, a pliant patient when normally he would likely be less cooperative and insist he's fine. ] We chose a path together, and came across a few different beasts. A metal monster, which broke Izumo's arm, and a giant worm in a cavern, which crushed Shigeo.
Shigeo had found something with a map on it when we dealt with the metal monster, and it brought us to a new clearing with a sword. The one that Izumo refused to let go of.
[ The huli jing bristles a little bit in the corner, burying its face against Xie Lian's ferret. ]
When she touched it, something happened.
no subject
he makes a soft noise of understanding as he moves up the bed. this time, his touch is utterly tender, as he touches hua cheng's cheek and turns his face just slightly to the side with his fingertips, so he can clean the gash closest to the place where his eye once was. his touch here is almost reverent, so, so careful as he dabs a fresh cloth of disinfectant at the spot. ]
Were you transported somewhere...?
no subject
Hua Cheng stiffens in a different way, good eye sliding away from the ceiling - and away from Xie Lian - like he's somehow ashamed of something. His bangs have to be brushed back, and are tacky with blood, but the gash upon closer inspection almost looks like something shot him. It cuts into part of his scalp, and explains why so much of his hair is missing.
Because something grazed his hair at an angle, after being fired across his face. ]
... yes, and no. When everything was over, we were still in the clearing. But while I don't know where Shigeo and Ange were, I - [ a beat, looking off at the wall, still not at Xie Lian ]
- I was in Puji Shrine.
no subject
it's not just for his reaction -- because he feels the way hua cheng flinches, and he doesn't understand why, at first. his fingers pause, stopping where he's touching him with the wet cloth, fingers still lingering gently in his bangs, and xie lian's brows knit. he thinks he's hurting him, at first, but he watches the way hua cheng looks away from him.
...and the second reason his heart twists comes a moment later, with the name of puji shrine.
(he misses it. he misses it so much, with its hole in the wall, its water chestnuts, its tiny little altar. the villagers, constantly asking after him, after san lang. even their varied intruders. it feels like its been so, so long since he's had a moment just to sit at puji. to be home. )
but xie lian knows the cruelties of this place from his own experience. his expression changes, from worried and afraid to recognizing. ]
...An illusion. [ he says, softly, and runs the cloth under the cut again, his touch steadfast and tender. ]
no subject
But he wants to shy away. He doesn't want Xie Lian to have to see what remains of what was an ugly thing in the first place. He doesn't want him to have to look at it while he talks about this precious place, that the world they walked into saw fit to distract him with. ]
I was happy. I was home. [ "A home has family. A place where someone lives alone is not a home. If it's home, then even a small place like Puji Shrine would be better than my Paradise Manor by a million-fold."
That happiness still lingers at the corners of his mind, as if haunting him in his peripheral. Just the two of them in humble Puji Shrine, the babble of water not far off in the distance, the smell of incense from the altar, the children from the village quiet echoes from beyond the handcrafted doors he'd made for Xie Lian.
Xie Lian, laughing, scolding him playfully for his distractions. ] I didn't want to leave.
no subject
...he feels... relieved, in a way. he hurts, for hua cheng, that he must have to leave such a thing - a little quietly touched, that that was what he saw to make him happy, that that was made him feel at home - but most of all, he's glad for his strength. for the fact that what happened could have been so, so much worse, if he had simply remained there.
i was home, hua cheng says. xie lian shifts, moving where he has settled to clean him up, so his long hair drapes around them like a curtain. ]
...you came home. [ hua cheng may think that he's ugly, or that he doesn't deserve to look at xie lian. he might feel ashamed, or upset.
but he's alive.
xie lian repeats himself in that small, intimate space between them, his voice almost a whisper, heavy with the weight of his relief, as he cups his cheek. ] ...you came back.
[ and leans forward a tiny bit to press a soft, lingering kiss to his forehead, where he still holds his bangs out of the way. ]
no subject
His eye flutters closed with the kiss to his forehead, and he breathes out suddenly, shakily, before he brings his hand up and touches Xie Lian's cheek with the utmost tenderness. Here. They're here. Everything hurts - and a nightmare can cause the worst suffering, but it's a reminder that he's still in this world.
Xie Lian's touch is a grounding force, and it fixes him in place.
Only when he pulls back does Hua Cheng open his eye again, looking up at him like he's all that he needs in this world. ]
The you that was there wasn't real. How could I stay in such a happy falsehood, when you were so far from me? How could I leave you here? [ His thumb ghosts over the apple of Xie Lian's cheek, gaze searching his face, as if desperate to remember every detail of it as it is now. ] The only place I belong is by your side, whether in the abyss or in paradise.
no subject
he pulls away just enough to look at him - all of him. the missing eyepatch, the blood, the exhaustion on his face - all of san lang. xie lian doesn't dislodge the hand now touching his cheek, instead turning just into the touch, his lashes brushing against hua cheng's handprints, and letting his words wash over him, the quiet, comforting timber of his voice.
it's reassuring. san lang is always reassuring. ]
...That...that you are here, that's what matters. Once your spiritual energy is returned to you properly, you'll be able to reform this quickly, too.
[ his eyes flick just briefly to his shoulder, and then back to his face. xie lian's mouth is still pulled into a tiny frown, his brows furrowed together, but his gaze is soft. ]
Thank you. [ for coming back to him. for surviving, for always surviving. injured or not, they can bounce back from this. ]
no subject
But, looking at Xie Lian, his beautiful, soft features, his long lashes, the tenderness in his eyes... he would go through it again, time and again, if only to return to him. ]
Every death I've faced has been my own choice. [ Hua Cheng's voice is still low, quiet, but he speaks clearly, and easily. With confidence. Because even if he knows there are gaps, it has always been his choice when he faced it. ] Those happy notions were falling apart around us, as the world we were trapped in crumbled like reality itself was failing to keep itself together. I was not going to die there.
I was not going to leave you. [ With only one arm, and injuries in his torso, it's a little harder than usual to leverage himself up properly. But he does well enough, at least so that he can sit up and press his lips to the furrow of Xie Lian's brow. ] Puji Shrine is waiting for us - the real one. That's the home that's calling for me.
[ Down, a kiss to the opposite cheek, light like one of his butterfly's wings. ]
I promised.
no subject
when he leverages himself up, xie lian immediately reaches behind him. it leaves them almost caught in an embrace, but it's really just to support him -- although, the former is fine, too. his strong hand settles against hua cheng's back, and his gaze searches over his face for a moment there, finding nothing but truth.
hua cheng had said that puji was a home. xie lian hadn't really understood it that much, then, but... after everything that's happened, he's starting to.]
...En. [ he agrees, softly, full of emotion, eyes finally fluttering shut. ] San Lang is so reliable. [ that comes with a quiet, wet laugh and a smile, in this tiny, intimate space between them.
xie lian's head tilts, a little further to the side. he can't go for a kiss, maybe, but - but, he wants to. ]
no subject
And he truly is in no better hands than Xie Lian's. There's no concern about him being dropped, or being too heavy, and instead he settles into the way that he's supported like that. If he could stay here in Xie Lian's arms, it would ease every pain away - all the easier to forget it, looking back at him with something earnest and adoring in his gaze. ]
This San Lang only wishes to be by your side. [ simply ] That's all that I've ever wanted.
[ Eight hundred years worth of that, of wanting to just be with Xie Lian. No expectations for more, nothing at all, but just wanting to be there.
Hua Cheng looks at him, as he closes his eyes. Feels his heart thrum in his chest, with that little laugh, the smile, and...
He goes for it. A tentative, and soft, press of lips to his, like he's asking if it's okay to do. ]
no subject
in fact, he tips his head to return the kiss more firmly, and his grip tightens a little. it's almost in desperation - clinging onto the fact that hua cheng is a solid, real presence. he'll have to rattle around for an excuse later, but right now, all xie lian wants to do is relish in the fact that hua cheng made it back.
and let him know, maybe, how much he adores him. how terrified he was. how relieved he is now. how he doesn't feel like he'll ever understand such a simple statement as this san lang only wishes to be by your side, but how he's never been more grateful. fate kept them apart, for eight hundred years, and the realm sought to bring them here together. through all of the pain and suffering they've been through - they are both still here.
and for xie lian, who has been alone for so, so long, that means everything. hua cheng means everything to him. ]
no subject
And even though he was in Xie Lian's arms, before; even though he could kiss him, hold him; this is different. This is real, no matter what excuse they both go reaching for, and his brow pinches as some desperation bleeds into his side, too.
There's no spiritual energy, there's no air to share, it's all more than just the slide of mouths together - it's the reassurance that they're together, the relief that they're both still in this world, the promise that they'll remain at each others' sides.
Hua Cheng refuses to leave Xie Lian alone again, after so long. Dedication, devotion, adoration - just outright love, that he hopes, somehow, Xie Lian can know it. ]
no subject
i mean. xie lian does not much seem to mind when the kiss gets a little more intense. it matches his emotions, as he's finally coming down from the adrenaline spike of seeing hua cheng nearly die right in front of him. it's just relief, now, a nearly overwhelming sense of it, and it floods his every motion, in the way that he returns the kiss. two weeks in a row, now, he could've nearly lost san lang, and the idea is so gut wrenchingly terrifying that the last thing he's thinking about is what excuse he'll use this time.
right now, he doesn't really need an excuse. right now, he just wants to kiss hua cheng, because he loves hua cheng. with every single miserably unlucky part of him, xie lian loves him.
time passes slowly, like this, and xie lian's not pulling away. not yet. just in case he turns to ash in his hands (the nightmare has haunted him since the first week it happened, save for one little dream featuring tomatoes and a little goat), xie lian stays close, fingers curled in the back of hua cheng's clothes. ]