[ it's a typical monday in puji shrine. the creek bubbles softly in the background; birds chirp in the garden. much of the shrine has been fixed up by xie lian since the hole plague, and it's in its typical stage of disarray, but overall, nothing seems to be amiss. in fact, with all of the chaos, maybe you've just come to visit puji for a chance to relax, or to catch a moment with the shrine priest. (or with the god that supposedly is available to communicate with...?)
upon waking up, xie lian had thought it might be nice to take a bath, and he'd noticed the scarring on his torso with a bit of curiosity. xie lian has many scars, wounds that haven't healed up with no godly healing to take care of them, but none that appear recently, and he can't... even remotely come to remember what these are for. xie lian makes a note to himself of it, but doesn't immediately bother.
but, he can't shake the feeling of it. as he's getting dressed, just with his middle layer half undone, he catches a look at the scars again. white and puckered, they look like slash marks, or stab wounds, that cover the entirety of his torso. each one was done with the same size weapon, he thinks, and it's not unusual for xie lian to not remember getting hurt, but... this is odd. he reaches up with one hand to gently brush his fingers against the one on his abdomen --
and the first thing he feels is a bone deep sense of fear followed by a white hot, searing pain. it continues. over, and over, and over, an unmistakable feeling that he knows is being stabbed--but it doesn't stop, it won't stop, plunging deep into his flesh, his heart, his chest, over and over and over and --
he collapses against the altar, grabs onto the edge of it. in the first hour of this pain, xie lian suffers through it silently, forced backwards against the altar, teeth gritted, as it feels like his insides are being torn apart, the pain so brilliant its forcing tears from his eyes - another stab into his chest, between his ribs, something that must be his lung, puncturing -
it is only in the third hour of this suffering (it hasn't relented even a second, over, and over--) that there's a scream from puji shrine, that just sounds like utter agony.
it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts i want to die i want to die it hurts it HURTS
of course, puji is far in the mountains. maybe no one heard.
beyond that one, single, agonized noise, he doesn't make a single other noise of pain or suffering. at the end of the third hour, when the pain finally subsides, xie lian passes out on the altar.
he can be found lying there, prone, unconscious. not even breathing. ]
[ Funny, isn't it, how the gods will shuffle the cards and deal a new hand - and yet it all comes out the same.
It's Hua Cheng's turn, to notice that he hasn't heard from Xie Lian today. He spends the early morning before the sun has even risen checking his eye, missing the scars on his own body, before he goes about his business. The first hour, he wonders if Xie Lian will make himself breakfast or if the people on the mountain have shared their leftovers with him. He'll bring him something later, if gege doesn't visit first.
The third hour, as the sun is rising, he's going over reports with his assistant, considering leaving early so that he can go to Puji Shrine to see Xie Lian instead of working. Only his desire to send him back out for more information has him staying longer, and then it's the head matron who has actual business reports of the ryokan for him, occupying another hour of his time.
The fifth and sixth hours of his day are painful. He's used to pain, used to suffering, but he swallows it down as it finally passes. Perhaps, he thinks dryly, the month of May is a cursed month for Koun now. What the gods have unleashed on them is certainly an unkind thing.
And then, he thinks.
And then, the dread sinks in.
Hua Cheng leaves Umite as a fox, faster and harder to stop if someone gets in his way. He knows the way to Puji like he knows the halls of Wu Ming, and even without taking Wei Wuxian's boat he can get there fast enough if he just - runs. Even with the phantom pain, even with the lingering ache of his missing eye, he doesn't stop for anything. All he can think is gege, gege, gege, following that bad feeling that had brought Xie Lian to Wu Ming after the incident in the tea house.
His dark paws scrabble up the path to the shrine itself when he gets there, barreling through - and no doubt startling a number of people that were already milling about with a concerned air - until his first step into the shrine itself resounds with the heavy thud of one boot, then another. ]
Gege! [ What hurt more, he has to wonder. The incessant but stubborn sensation of regret, pain, anger; or seeing Xie Lian like this, immobile, vulnerable, or worse -
There isn't an ounce of hesitation, his steps one, two, three, before he gathers Xie Lian into his arms, hits his knees to hold him. His fingers go to his pulse, his own racing into his throat. ]
[ hua cheng is lucky that xie lian is no ghost. his body, immortal though it may be, contains all of its working human parts, and as such, his pulse flutters weakly underneath his fingers. xie lian is alive, for better or for worse.
when hua cheng picks him up and moves him off of the altar, xie lian's head lolls towards him. he's warm, alive, and not bleeding anywhere, his robes still half open from the bath. to see the daozhang xie in any state of disarray like that is particularly unusual, and if hua cheng looks, he'll see the cause of this sudden affliction immediately.
xie lian's entire torso is covered in scars.
strangely, they aren't white and puckered and old, but rather recent, as if his body was remembering them before his mind even had the chance. they crisscross every single inch of his pale skin, some deeper looking than others, each clearly made with a sword. the same sword, to an observant eye. some were driven with true aim, and others were hesitant, but one thing is clear; the daozhang shouldn't be living with this sort of injury, let alone have it long enough for it to suddenly appear as scarred flesh.
his body's going into shock from the pain, trying to heal up wounds that aren't real. it means his reaction time is slow, and xie lian doesn't breathe, or return to consciousness, for a few more long, long minutes. tucked against san lang's arms, he looks small and vulnerable, a fragile porcelain doll of a person. but--if he stays, he's rewarded with a small, shallow breath, and then, the flutter of xie lian's lashes, as he starts to open his eyes.
it doesn't come back right away. the first thing he sees is red, though, and xie lian's brow furrows a little in confusion, his voice soft. he feels like he's floating outside of his body. ] ....San Lang....?
[ To see those scars, Hua Cheng practically sees red, himself. His own are miserable, shallow and deep wounds that healed ugly and left behind a godawful feeling even when the pain died. The remorse, the anger, the stubborn will to keep going, keep going, I won't die. Beau's fear, when she confessed it to him, when she stupidly touched -
Gods, all he can think of is the nightmare. That terrible, looming reality that Xie Lian had built for himself. What horrors has he faced, surely alone? What suffering has he been put through?
Fuck, wasn't it already enough?
Carefully, tenderly, he folds Xie Lian's robes closed as he holds him. There's no blood, and his heart still beats; better, he thinks, to prevent them from being touched again. But a part of him is at odds with the action. As if he never wants to see such a thing again, never wants to imagine it, and yet he can't take his gaze away. It feels... wrong, to do that. As if it's being forgotten, or buried away. Left for Xie Lian to bear that weight alone.
So strong a person, left to be so vulnerable, so broken. Truly, he'll stay by his side until this damned banquet ends.
As in tune with him as he is, and as focused on Xie Lian he is in this very moment, he sees the way his dark lashes move across his cheeks. It's almost like the breath he didn't know he was holding - that he needs, in this world - rushes out of him all at once. Just as gently, as if afraid to hurt him more, Hua Cheng brushes his thumb over his wrinkled brow. ]
I'm here, gege. Please, however long you need, take it - I'm not going anywhere, there's no hurry. [ Please, please recover, please stop hurting. ]
[ good... good. it's san lang, after all. xie lian's first instinct is a feeling of safety, and it lets him take that final moment longer to try and put his brain back together. his eyes shut again, and he inhales, testing the working function of his lungs, of his body. his chest rises and falls with the motion--it seems the pain has faded.
carefully, he reaches out and curls his fingers against the fabric of san lang's robes. the red, red color is grounding, and he slowly tightens his grip, enough to carefully start to sit up.
...he must have worried san lang terribly. he feels a bit ashamed, as his wits start to come back, and mentally winces to himself as he puts on a small, sheepish smile. ] What a terrible mess for you to come in to see... I'm sorry, San Lang. I'm quite alright, I just... ah, well. It's alright, is all that matters. I must have passed out.
[ see? look at this convincing smile! he's fine! there's still an ache that's radiating under the surface, but xie lian has long since learned to ignore it. if san lang will let him, stubbornly, he will try and push himself up properly as he tries to remember what in the world all just happened. ]
[ Carefully cradling him in his arm, a hand supporting Xie Lian's head, Hua Cheng folds himself around the body as much as possible. (Tries not to think about Wei Wuxian finding him in the nightmares, about the pristine, white-robed body untouched by the carnage - save for a veritable blossom - )
But his fingers are in his robes, and he's breathing. He's speaking, and leveraging himself to sit up, too, which brings obvious displeasure to his expression that joins his worry. Useless, he's goddamn useless like this, isn't he? A powerful youkai, except at its core that's more of a masquerade than he ever lets on, too. ]
You don't have to lie to me, gege. [ Low voice dropping lower, Hua Cheng still does allow him to sit up - with help. One hand stays braced between his shoulder blades, while the other reaches out, then hesitates, almost flinching back. As if he's worried to touch him more, to seek out the heart beating in his chest. ] If you're not alright, then you can be not alright.
[ No, that smile isn't as convincing as you'd like today. Not when he'd spent so much time with his own pain. ]
[ it's unusual for xie lian to skip a day of visits. he's actually almost gotten used to it, to the routine of it. wake up with wen ning, help him around the house, make lunch to share with xie lian. easy, purposeful, and - domestic. he likes it, even if he won't admit it.
but his routine is disrupted today, and - well. it's been a sort of rough time, with wen ning's scars. with his own, too. they've both had a rough few days, so royce thinks he should check. he really needs to check, he tells wen ning. you rest. he'll be right back. soon, he promises. and then it's off to puji he goes. slowly, since he's still injured, but steadily.
when he sees xie lian collapsed on the altar, his feet are already carrying him across the shrine as fast as they can, without even thinking. he runs - even the short amount of distance makes him wheeze, but it doesn't matter. royce drops down next to xie lian and shakes his shoulder. ]
Xie Lian. [ royce says, voice tense, almost a snap. he's not - breathing, is he not breathing? a sharp shriek of fear races through him, as his charm reaches out to curl into xie lian, trying to feed him energy, up, up, up. ]
[ normally, xie lian makes himself breathe like a normal human being. he doesn't really have to; by all intents and purposes, he can just exist, feeling hunger and exhaustion as a human might, but never enough to end his life. he doesn't think about it, still tied to all of his human habits, but in a moment of such suffering and utter, wrenching pain, his body has moved into shock mode. into recovery, as if he'd experienced those terrible pains at this moment, and his cursed body was knitting itself back together. he could be rendered into nothing more than a pile of flesh, after all, and somehow, he would still reform. somehow, inevitably, xie lian would be fine.
so, basic functions like breathing are pushed to the side as he finally gives out, leading to poor royce's fright. even being shaken doesn't do much, his head lolling to the side, dark hair falling over his face. upon further inspection, xie lian is at least alive. there's a faint flush of color on his nose, and his cheeks, though the rest of him is ghastly pale, and it's only the reaction of his own golden core to the charm that finally stirs him back to reality, after a long ten minutes of nothing.
his eyes flutter. xie lian opens them to a world that's more horizontal than it was a moment before, as his vision returns from starry pinpricks of white light and nothingness to a much more familiar face. ]
...Royce...? [ when did that happen? he can barely sort out his thoughts long enough to shift, but, with that weak spoken name between them, his chest moves, and he takes a labored breath. ]
[ by all accounts, xie lian is human, to royce. he's never known anything different, and for a long ten minutes, he doesn't know what's happening. xie lian isn't - dead, but he's not breathing. royce knows he isn't dead, because he can see the flush, can feel it with his charm, knows that he isn't kneeling next to a body. it's terrifying, in a way he thought it wouldn't be. he cannot lose another one.
his heart twists in his chest, even if he tries to ignore it. this is why, royce thinks, distantly. this is why you can't be attached to humans like this, this is why you can't be attached to anybody at all --
but he's not dead, and royce gives him a steady stream of whatever he can, anything, energy, warmth, whatever his charm can produce. and when xie lian finally opens his eyes, when he gasps in, royce nearly collapses. he rests a hand on xie lian's chest and lets his head hang for a moment, hair tangling in his face. just for a moment, though. he looks back up at xie lian, eyes rimmed red. ]
Fuck. [ royce hisses, vehemently. his own breath shakes. ] You weren't breathing. Breathe.
[ royce's hand on xie lian's chest nearly makes him pass out again. the pain is white hot and immediate, and it takes him a lot of strength to not hiss in pain--his eyes shut tight, and he manages to stymy it after a moment longer, letting the pain ebb and flow away as he does exactly as royce asked him to. inhale, exhale; his chest moves. in, and out. he is still water. he is fine, he is fine.
reaching for the strength that kept him awake for that long, xie lian manages to steady himself properly. he's still not entirely sure what happened, and the emotion of fright that ebbs at the edge of his consciousness is still present, but xie lian is at least conscious enough to try and logically understand what's going on. he looks up at his friend, and his heart aches for the expression on royce's face, so the very first thing out of his mouth is soothing kindnesses, his own pain pushed to the side -- ] ...It's okay, it's okay. I'm alright. Ah...
[ there's another pause, and then, a tiny request.. ]
[ the second that xie lian hisses in pain, royce yanks his hand back, so no problem there. he breathes a little unsteadily, and then evens himself out. breathe in, breathe out. give xie lian something to follow. his nerves are still horribly rattled, but it's not royce that needs fussing over. ]
What happened? [ royce asks, keeping his hands to himself now. his voice is steadier, his expression smoothed out. his charm on the other hand jitters quietly, curling around xie lian's shoulders like a blanket, warm and comforting, if xie lian allows it. ]
[ xie lian shakes his head, finally, propping himself up on his elbows. everything hurts in ways even he's not used to, and he tries to recall the events of earlier in the morning. ]
Nothing attacked me, as far as I know. I woke up, and took a bath, and then... [ ah.
that's right. shifting, he reaches very, very carefully to the front of his robes, and pulls them open. every square inch of xie lian's torso is covered in scars. many of them are raw and pink, as if his natural healing (or perhaps, his curse, depending on how you looked at it) had only just started to kick in. each one is roughly the same size; there are places where it looks as if the sword that must have stabbed him was aimed poorly, and then re-stabbed in the same spot with much more accuracy. some are shallow, some are deep, but the fact of the matter is that xie lian is more scar tissue than human being, at the moment.
chin down, he looks at the mess of his torso. ] ...Well, this certainly wasn't here yesterday.
royce looks startled at the sight of it, pushing his hair back out of his face as he takes it in. it looks like an extreme grudge; nobody stabs someone that many times unless they really, really hate someone. royce is quiet for a moment, and then sinks down to sit properly. ]
You've been cursed as well, then. [ he tugs his own shirt down just enough to show the brand on his chest, right above his heart. it's in the shape of a stylized M, and it looks old, weirdly enough, but. ] I woke up with this.
... Do they hurt still? You weren't. Breathing. [ he just wants to make that clear, that xie lian looked like he was dead and it was not okay. ]
[ oh. wow, that must have been worrisome. xie lian was so distracted looking at the brand--his heart lurches at the sight, because he's been through an unimaginable amount of pain in his life, but he hasn't ever been branded, so for once, he can actually only imagine what that was like--that he didn't even think about that.
he probably wasn't breathing because... he couldn't. it's not like he needs to. (the function would restart itself automatically, after all.) xie lian looks down at himself again, then lifts a hand, not touching, but hovering over near where his lungs are. ] I think.... this must have been punctured, so whatever it was... I must not have been able to breathe, at the time.
[ ....how strange, that he can't remember it. if only royce was right and it was because someone hated him; xie lian assumes the same, but he actually couldn't be more wrong.
it occurs to him about two seconds later that he needs to explain himself. ] It must be some sort of the magic, or a condition that came out of it, or something! No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine, you needn't worry at all!! It looks like it's been some time since I touched it, so the effects must have worn off!
[ it still hurts. it's sort of a radiating, silent pain now, but it's still there. xie lian will never admit to it, though. ] What about you! That looks terribly painful.
[ wow hello, he hates hearing that xie lian was punctured, stop it. his expression just gets sharper and angrier as xie lian explains. whatever fucked xie lian up, he's not a fan. ]
It's fine. I don't remember what it's from, but I didn't pass out when I touched it. Don't worry about it.
[ his fingers curl into fists, clutching at the fabric of his own pantsleg. ]
Do you have a bed, here? [ it is now time for fuss ]
[ whoops. well! xie lian doesn't seem to bothered by it, at any rate. aside from the fact that it was a decidedly unusual injury (he can safely rank this at the top of his pain scale, fairly far above "being trampled by horses on purpose" and "being gored by a walnut dowel into a coffin"), what's done is done, and if he can't remember, then he can't remember.
as he sits, he adjusts his robes a bit so they're not touching the scar too much, trying not to wince. he has a feeling if he touches it again, the process may repeat, so xie lian is ginger about it as he swings his legs around to properly try and sit up.
....and at royce's question, he glances off to the side. there's a bedroll made of (what looks like) hay and a blanket and pillow all neatly rolled up in the corner. that's... what he's got. ] ...Really, I'm quite fine, Royce, I promise. I missed all my morning shrine duties...
[ stares at the ceiling. never tell royce any of those things. it's so much. ]
No. [ no? royce doesn't touch with his hands, but his charm instead - it curls outward and around xie lian, settling against his back and supporting him up. it's not actual touch, but the pressure is there, like someone sitting behind xie lian and letting him lean against them. ]
[ THIS STUBBORNNESS. well, he deserves it? he probably deserves it, this is exactly what he would do (and what he did to hua cheng earlier in the week, but that's fine). xie lian stares at him for a minute, ready to fight back, and then just sighs and closes his eyes, shaking his head. there's a little smile on his face, fondly exasperated. ]
Really, you.... I've been napping all day. [ that's the only complaint he has, though. xie lian gets up dutifully as the charm presses into his back. ruoye wriggles nervously around his wrist, and he pets the little bandage with two fingers, as he gets up and goes to unroll his bed roll... if royce will let him.... ] Would you really be willing to clean the shrine and conduct rituals for visitors all day?
[ it wasn't a nap!! royce lets him get up to unroll his bed roll, at least, but his charm is insistent on helping. ]
... I will clean the shrine. [ he says, after a minute. he has no idea how to conduct rituals, but those can be done sitting down, he imagines, so xie lian can rest. ] I can't stay all day. I promised Wen Ning I would come home.
[ but he'll stay for a while. wen ning will understand. ]
[ alright... he will at least acquiesce to that much. he'll just pretend to fall asleep in a little bit and send him on his way...
but, xie lian lets the charm be insistent. it's kind of cute; ruoye emerges from his sleeve to poke around at the invisible force, but it seems to mostly just be curious, so xie lian lets it continue as he unrolls the bed and dutifully settles in it, pulling the cover aside and reaching behind himself to remove his straw hat and set it down. there, see.
it's heartening to hear royce talk about wen ning, though, and as he's getting settled, he can't help but smile, his curiosity piqued. ] How is he? [ how are you both, really. ]
[ royce's charm buzzes gently at ruoye poking at it - carefully, it extends a tendril to tangle around ruoye loosely, leaving room for ruoye to squirm away if it wants. a little pulse of warmth and comfort comes from his charm, for both xie lian and ruoye.
as for wen ning - well. royce pauses, thinking about it, watching xie lian with a sort of thoughtful look. and then: ]
He isn't gone. [ royce says, softer. ] I thought that he was. But I was given a second chance, and I intend to take it.
[ he plays with the ring around his finger, absently. ]
[ ruoye seems to think it is playtime, so please catch it trying to wriggle around and play with the charm. how cute.
...as for xie lian, the warmth and comfort is not missed, and neither is the motion of his hand. his eyes widen, mouth dropping into a little 'o'. ] -- Oh! Royce! [ !!!!!!! he looks so happy, immediately, too! what a pleasant surprise!! ]
[ that's adorable?? what the hell. his charm is more than happy to play, wrestling with ruoye.
royce's lips twitch, just a little. he spins the ring again - it's a simple band save for the gold and crimson stones embedded into part of it. the gold might be a familiar color to xie lian - it's the color royce's eyes turn when he's well-fed and happy. ]
I should've taken your advice to begin with. [ he says, in that same soft tone. ] But - yes. [ they're stringed! and it's been far more comforting than he ever thought. ]
also cute: this! royce's little smile is hard to miss too, and xie lian scoots forward to try and look at the little band properly. warmth fills his chest, and he practically beams up at royce. after seeing wen ning in that tiny ghost flame, and royce's distress... he couldn't have truly asked for a better ending for either of them. ah, love is wonderful... ]
I like to think I give decent advice. [ he says, with a laugh, then clasps his hands together. ] Congratulations, my friend. I'm so happy you two've found your way to each other, once again. And that you'll stay that way, as well!
[ royce gives xie lian a look - he's supposed to be resting!! but he lets xie lian see the band, holding out his hand sort of awkwardly, like he's not sure how to show it off. there's a pause, and then: ]
... Thank you. [ that's the polite, correct thing to say, right? his voice wavers just slightly when he speaks next, because sometimes it's overwhelming to think about, but: ] I... love him. I also hope that this lasts.
[ he can't look xie lian in the eye when he says it, because it's fuckin' embarrassing, but. he managed! ]
that smile on his face remains, bright and pleased, clearly happy for his friend, and his admission (!!!) of his feelings (!!!!) out loud! that must have been very difficult! he keeps his hands together for the moment, admiring, and then nods. ] I'm sure it will. The gods-- ah, well, I suppose that's not the best thing to say right now, so, rather... I think the world has thrown you two many adversities, and you still stand here on the other side, together.
[ who knows how this will work in the space, but for the moment, he's quite happy for them both, and it's obvious. (animal crossing flowers). ] If you'd like to have a small ceremony or something of the like at a shrine, you're more than welcome to use Puji, perhaps when things have calmed down a bit...!
[ it was INCREDIBLY difficult to say out loud. but he said it to wen ning, and he's determined, now, to not hide it. not for his own sake, but for wen ning's. wen ning deserves it - everybody should know that royce loves him, so that wen ning knows he's loved for sure. he's not a secret. ]
I - [ the offer of the ceremony makes royce pause, though. he blinks a few times at xie lian. ] ... Maybe. I'll talk to him about it.
[ because for as much as he dislikes the idea of having anybody see something personal like that, well. he thinks wen ning might like it. he's kind of overwhelmed with soft feelings right now, which xie lian might feel distantly, considering royce's charm is still settled around his shoulders. it's going to be SUCH a mess in the space. he clears his throat. ]
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youkai plague #3
upon waking up, xie lian had thought it might be nice to take a bath, and he'd noticed the scarring on his torso with a bit of curiosity. xie lian has many scars, wounds that haven't healed up with no godly healing to take care of them, but none that appear recently, and he can't... even remotely come to remember what these are for. xie lian makes a note to himself of it, but doesn't immediately bother.
but, he can't shake the feeling of it. as he's getting dressed, just with his middle layer half undone, he catches a look at the scars again. white and puckered, they look like slash marks, or stab wounds, that cover the entirety of his torso. each one was done with the same size weapon, he thinks, and it's not unusual for xie lian to not remember getting hurt, but... this is odd. he reaches up with one hand to gently brush his fingers against the one on his abdomen --
and the first thing he feels is a bone deep sense of fear followed by a white hot, searing pain. it continues. over, and over, and over, an unmistakable feeling that he knows is being stabbed--but it doesn't stop, it won't stop, plunging deep into his flesh, his heart, his chest, over and over and over and --
he collapses against the altar, grabs onto the edge of it. in the first hour of this pain, xie lian suffers through it silently, forced backwards against the altar, teeth gritted, as it feels like his insides are being torn apart, the pain so brilliant its forcing tears from his eyes - another stab into his chest, between his ribs, something that must be his lung, puncturing -
it is only in the third hour of this suffering (it hasn't relented even a second, over, and over--) that there's a scream from puji shrine, that just sounds like utter agony.
it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts i want to die i want to die it hurts it HURTS
of course, puji is far in the mountains. maybe no one heard.
beyond that one, single, agonized noise, he doesn't make a single other noise of pain or suffering. at the end of the third hour, when the pain finally subsides, xie lian passes out on the altar.
he can be found lying there, prone, unconscious. not even breathing. ]
YEETS
It's Hua Cheng's turn, to notice that he hasn't heard from Xie Lian today. He spends the early morning before the sun has even risen checking his eye, missing the scars on his own body, before he goes about his business. The first hour, he wonders if Xie Lian will make himself breakfast or if the people on the mountain have shared their leftovers with him. He'll bring him something later, if gege doesn't visit first.
The third hour, as the sun is rising, he's going over reports with his assistant, considering leaving early so that he can go to Puji Shrine to see Xie Lian instead of working. Only his desire to send him back out for more information has him staying longer, and then it's the head matron who has actual business reports of the ryokan for him, occupying another hour of his time.
The fifth and sixth hours of his day are painful. He's used to pain, used to suffering, but he swallows it down as it finally passes. Perhaps, he thinks dryly, the month of May is a cursed month for Koun now. What the gods have unleashed on them is certainly an unkind thing.
And then, he thinks.
And then, the dread sinks in.
Hua Cheng leaves Umite as a fox, faster and harder to stop if someone gets in his way. He knows the way to Puji like he knows the halls of Wu Ming, and even without taking Wei Wuxian's boat he can get there fast enough if he just - runs. Even with the phantom pain, even with the lingering ache of his missing eye, he doesn't stop for anything. All he can think is gege, gege, gege, following that bad feeling that had brought Xie Lian to Wu Ming after the incident in the tea house.
His dark paws scrabble up the path to the shrine itself when he gets there, barreling through - and no doubt startling a number of people that were already milling about with a concerned air - until his first step into the shrine itself resounds with the heavy thud of one boot, then another. ]
Gege! [ What hurt more, he has to wonder. The incessant but stubborn sensation of regret, pain, anger; or seeing Xie Lian like this, immobile, vulnerable, or worse -
There isn't an ounce of hesitation, his steps one, two, three, before he gathers Xie Lian into his arms, hits his knees to hold him. His fingers go to his pulse, his own racing into his throat. ]
no subject
when hua cheng picks him up and moves him off of the altar, xie lian's head lolls towards him. he's warm, alive, and not bleeding anywhere, his robes still half open from the bath. to see the daozhang xie in any state of disarray like that is particularly unusual, and if hua cheng looks, he'll see the cause of this sudden affliction immediately.
xie lian's entire torso is covered in scars.
strangely, they aren't white and puckered and old, but rather recent, as if his body was remembering them before his mind even had the chance. they crisscross every single inch of his pale skin, some deeper looking than others, each clearly made with a sword. the same sword, to an observant eye. some were driven with true aim, and others were hesitant, but one thing is clear; the daozhang shouldn't be living with this sort of injury, let alone have it long enough for it to suddenly appear as scarred flesh.
his body's going into shock from the pain, trying to heal up wounds that aren't real. it means his reaction time is slow, and xie lian doesn't breathe, or return to consciousness, for a few more long, long minutes. tucked against san lang's arms, he looks small and vulnerable, a fragile porcelain doll of a person. but--if he stays, he's rewarded with a small, shallow breath, and then, the flutter of xie lian's lashes, as he starts to open his eyes.
it doesn't come back right away. the first thing he sees is red, though, and xie lian's brow furrows a little in confusion, his voice soft. he feels like he's floating outside of his body. ] ....San Lang....?
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Gods, all he can think of is the nightmare. That terrible, looming reality that Xie Lian had built for himself. What horrors has he faced, surely alone? What suffering has he been put through?
Fuck, wasn't it already enough?
Carefully, tenderly, he folds Xie Lian's robes closed as he holds him. There's no blood, and his heart still beats; better, he thinks, to prevent them from being touched again. But a part of him is at odds with the action. As if he never wants to see such a thing again, never wants to imagine it, and yet he can't take his gaze away. It feels... wrong, to do that. As if it's being forgotten, or buried away. Left for Xie Lian to bear that weight alone.
So strong a person, left to be so vulnerable, so broken. Truly, he'll stay by his side until this damned banquet ends.
As in tune with him as he is, and as focused on Xie Lian he is in this very moment, he sees the way his dark lashes move across his cheeks. It's almost like the breath he didn't know he was holding - that he needs, in this world - rushes out of him all at once. Just as gently, as if afraid to hurt him more, Hua Cheng brushes his thumb over his wrinkled brow. ]
I'm here, gege. Please, however long you need, take it - I'm not going anywhere, there's no hurry. [ Please, please recover, please stop hurting. ]
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carefully, he reaches out and curls his fingers against the fabric of san lang's robes. the red, red color is grounding, and he slowly tightens his grip, enough to carefully start to sit up.
...he must have worried san lang terribly. he feels a bit ashamed, as his wits start to come back, and mentally winces to himself as he puts on a small, sheepish smile. ] What a terrible mess for you to come in to see... I'm sorry, San Lang. I'm quite alright, I just... ah, well. It's alright, is all that matters. I must have passed out.
[ see? look at this convincing smile! he's fine! there's still an ache that's radiating under the surface, but xie lian has long since learned to ignore it. if san lang will let him, stubbornly, he will try and push himself up properly as he tries to remember what in the world all just happened. ]
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But his fingers are in his robes, and he's breathing. He's speaking, and leveraging himself to sit up, too, which brings obvious displeasure to his expression that joins his worry. Useless, he's goddamn useless like this, isn't he? A powerful youkai, except at its core that's more of a masquerade than he ever lets on, too. ]
You don't have to lie to me, gege. [ Low voice dropping lower, Hua Cheng still does allow him to sit up - with help. One hand stays braced between his shoulder blades, while the other reaches out, then hesitates, almost flinching back. As if he's worried to touch him more, to seek out the heart beating in his chest. ] If you're not alright, then you can be not alright.
[ No, that smile isn't as convincing as you'd like today. Not when he'd spent so much time with his own pain. ]
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but his routine is disrupted today, and - well. it's been a sort of rough time, with wen ning's scars. with his own, too. they've both had a rough few days, so royce thinks he should check. he really needs to check, he tells wen ning. you rest. he'll be right back. soon, he promises. and then it's off to puji he goes. slowly, since he's still injured, but steadily.
when he sees xie lian collapsed on the altar, his feet are already carrying him across the shrine as fast as they can, without even thinking. he runs - even the short amount of distance makes him wheeze, but it doesn't matter. royce drops down next to xie lian and shakes his shoulder. ]
Xie Lian. [ royce says, voice tense, almost a snap. he's not - breathing, is he not breathing? a sharp shriek of fear races through him, as his charm reaches out to curl into xie lian, trying to feed him energy, up, up, up. ]
Xie Lian, wake up.
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so, basic functions like breathing are pushed to the side as he finally gives out, leading to poor royce's fright. even being shaken doesn't do much, his head lolling to the side, dark hair falling over his face. upon further inspection, xie lian is at least alive. there's a faint flush of color on his nose, and his cheeks, though the rest of him is ghastly pale, and it's only the reaction of his own golden core to the charm that finally stirs him back to reality, after a long ten minutes of nothing.
his eyes flutter. xie lian opens them to a world that's more horizontal than it was a moment before, as his vision returns from starry pinpricks of white light and nothingness to a much more familiar face. ]
...Royce...? [ when did that happen? he can barely sort out his thoughts long enough to shift, but, with that weak spoken name between them, his chest moves, and he takes a labored breath. ]
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his heart twists in his chest, even if he tries to ignore it. this is why, royce thinks, distantly. this is why you can't be attached to humans like this, this is why you can't be attached to anybody at all --
but he's not dead, and royce gives him a steady stream of whatever he can, anything, energy, warmth, whatever his charm can produce. and when xie lian finally opens his eyes, when he gasps in, royce nearly collapses. he rests a hand on xie lian's chest and lets his head hang for a moment, hair tangling in his face. just for a moment, though. he looks back up at xie lian, eyes rimmed red. ]
Fuck. [ royce hisses, vehemently. his own breath shakes. ] You weren't breathing. Breathe.
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reaching for the strength that kept him awake for that long, xie lian manages to steady himself properly. he's still not entirely sure what happened, and the emotion of fright that ebbs at the edge of his consciousness is still present, but xie lian is at least conscious enough to try and logically understand what's going on. he looks up at his friend, and his heart aches for the expression on royce's face, so the very first thing out of his mouth is soothing kindnesses, his own pain pushed to the side -- ] ...It's okay, it's okay. I'm alright. Ah...
[ there's another pause, and then, a tiny request.. ]
...Can you move your hand? [ ow. ]
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What happened? [ royce asks, keeping his hands to himself now. his voice is steadier, his expression smoothed out. his charm on the other hand jitters quietly, curling around xie lian's shoulders like a blanket, warm and comforting, if xie lian allows it. ]
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Nothing attacked me, as far as I know. I woke up, and took a bath, and then... [ ah.
that's right. shifting, he reaches very, very carefully to the front of his robes, and pulls them open. every square inch of xie lian's torso is covered in scars. many of them are raw and pink, as if his natural healing (or perhaps, his curse, depending on how you looked at it) had only just started to kick in. each one is roughly the same size; there are places where it looks as if the sword that must have stabbed him was aimed poorly, and then re-stabbed in the same spot with much more accuracy. some are shallow, some are deep, but the fact of the matter is that xie lian is more scar tissue than human being, at the moment.
chin down, he looks at the mess of his torso. ] ...Well, this certainly wasn't here yesterday.
[ ??? ]
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royce looks startled at the sight of it, pushing his hair back out of his face as he takes it in. it looks like an extreme grudge; nobody stabs someone that many times unless they really, really hate someone. royce is quiet for a moment, and then sinks down to sit properly. ]
You've been cursed as well, then. [ he tugs his own shirt down just enough to show the brand on his chest, right above his heart. it's in the shape of a stylized M, and it looks old, weirdly enough, but. ] I woke up with this.
... Do they hurt still? You weren't. Breathing. [ he just wants to make that clear, that xie lian looked like he was dead and it was not okay. ]
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he probably wasn't breathing because... he couldn't. it's not like he needs to. (the function would restart itself automatically, after all.) xie lian looks down at himself again, then lifts a hand, not touching, but hovering over near where his lungs are. ] I think.... this must have been punctured, so whatever it was... I must not have been able to breathe, at the time.
[ ....how strange, that he can't remember it. if only royce was right and it was because someone hated him; xie lian assumes the same, but he actually couldn't be more wrong.
it occurs to him about two seconds later that he needs to explain himself. ] It must be some sort of the magic, or a condition that came out of it, or something! No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine, you needn't worry at all!! It looks like it's been some time since I touched it, so the effects must have worn off!
[ it still hurts. it's sort of a radiating, silent pain now, but it's still there. xie lian will never admit to it, though. ] What about you! That looks terribly painful.
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It's fine. I don't remember what it's from, but I didn't pass out when I touched it. Don't worry about it.
[ his fingers curl into fists, clutching at the fabric of his own pantsleg. ]
Do you have a bed, here? [ it is now time for fuss ]
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as he sits, he adjusts his robes a bit so they're not touching the scar too much, trying not to wince. he has a feeling if he touches it again, the process may repeat, so xie lian is ginger about it as he swings his legs around to properly try and sit up.
....and at royce's question, he glances off to the side. there's a bedroll made of (what looks like) hay and a blanket and pillow all neatly rolled up in the corner. that's... what he's got. ] ...Really, I'm quite fine, Royce, I promise. I missed all my morning shrine duties...
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No. [ no? royce doesn't touch with his hands, but his charm instead - it curls outward and around xie lian, settling against his back and supporting him up. it's not actual touch, but the pressure is there, like someone sitting behind xie lian and letting him lean against them. ]
I will do them, if necessary.
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Really, you.... I've been napping all day. [ that's the only complaint he has, though. xie lian gets up dutifully as the charm presses into his back. ruoye wriggles nervously around his wrist, and he pets the little bandage with two fingers, as he gets up and goes to unroll his bed roll... if royce will let him.... ] Would you really be willing to clean the shrine and conduct rituals for visitors all day?
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... I will clean the shrine. [ he says, after a minute. he has no idea how to conduct rituals, but those can be done sitting down, he imagines, so xie lian can rest. ] I can't stay all day. I promised Wen Ning I would come home.
[ but he'll stay for a while. wen ning will understand. ]
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but, xie lian lets the charm be insistent. it's kind of cute; ruoye emerges from his sleeve to poke around at the invisible force, but it seems to mostly just be curious, so xie lian lets it continue as he unrolls the bed and dutifully settles in it, pulling the cover aside and reaching behind himself to remove his straw hat and set it down. there, see.
it's heartening to hear royce talk about wen ning, though, and as he's getting settled, he can't help but smile, his curiosity piqued. ] How is he? [ how are you both, really. ]
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as for wen ning - well. royce pauses, thinking about it, watching xie lian with a sort of thoughtful look. and then: ]
He isn't gone. [ royce says, softer. ] I thought that he was. But I was given a second chance, and I intend to take it.
[ he plays with the ring around his finger, absently. ]
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...as for xie lian, the warmth and comfort is not missed, and neither is the motion of his hand. his eyes widen, mouth dropping into a little 'o'. ] -- Oh! Royce! [ !!!!!!! he looks so happy, immediately, too! what a pleasant surprise!! ]
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royce's lips twitch, just a little. he spins the ring again - it's a simple band save for the gold and crimson stones embedded into part of it. the gold might be a familiar color to xie lian - it's the color royce's eyes turn when he's well-fed and happy. ]
I should've taken your advice to begin with. [ he says, in that same soft tone. ] But - yes. [ they're stringed! and it's been far more comforting than he ever thought. ]
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also cute: this! royce's little smile is hard to miss too, and xie lian scoots forward to try and look at the little band properly. warmth fills his chest, and he practically beams up at royce. after seeing wen ning in that tiny ghost flame, and royce's distress... he couldn't have truly asked for a better ending for either of them. ah, love is wonderful... ]
I like to think I give decent advice. [ he says, with a laugh, then clasps his hands together. ] Congratulations, my friend. I'm so happy you two've found your way to each other, once again. And that you'll stay that way, as well!
[ ♥ ♥ ♥ ]
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... Thank you. [ that's the polite, correct thing to say, right? his voice wavers just slightly when he speaks next, because sometimes it's overwhelming to think about, but: ] I... love him. I also hope that this lasts.
[ he can't look xie lian in the eye when he says it, because it's fuckin' embarrassing, but. he managed! ]
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that smile on his face remains, bright and pleased, clearly happy for his friend, and his admission (!!!) of his feelings (!!!!) out loud! that must have been very difficult! he keeps his hands together for the moment, admiring, and then nods. ] I'm sure it will. The gods-- ah, well, I suppose that's not the best thing to say right now, so, rather... I think the world has thrown you two many adversities, and you still stand here on the other side, together.
[ who knows how this will work in the space, but for the moment, he's quite happy for them both, and it's obvious. (animal crossing flowers). ] If you'd like to have a small ceremony or something of the like at a shrine, you're more than welcome to use Puji, perhaps when things have calmed down a bit...!
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I - [ the offer of the ceremony makes royce pause, though. he blinks a few times at xie lian. ] ... Maybe. I'll talk to him about it.
[ because for as much as he dislikes the idea of having anybody see something personal like that, well. he thinks wen ning might like it. he's kind of overwhelmed with soft feelings right now, which xie lian might feel distantly, considering royce's charm is still settled around his shoulders. it's going to be SUCH a mess in the space. he clears his throat. ]
... Let me clean. [ he's embarrassed now!! ]